Vintage Parents?

Vintage clothing comes and goes. But what happens with vintage PEOPLE come back in style? Like one's own parents, for instance?

Yeah, can you believe that my parents happen to be cooler and more popular than I am? My mom has one of the funniest blogs you can come upon. Everyone loves her. Everyone wants to talk to TC. Everyone want's TC's approval. My teenage friends talk to my mom before they talk to me! Like we went to my friend Ty's house, and what does he do. He runs over to the car door and spills his latest doings to my mom. O_o Of course, maybe that's because my mom does happen to BE cool...

Because she is the only mom I've ever heard of who will drive her 15 y.o. daughter two states away to go to an amusement park with two guys they'd never met in real life before. My mom is one of the few moms left on the planet who would be willing to take all of her kids to a Toby Mac concert, and dance in the knee-high mud, or to a Switchfoot and Reliant K concert, and be able to sing all the words. She drives 6 days out of the week to ballet, hockey, and basketball practices, all 15-75 minutes away. How dedicated is that? Not to mention she treats teenagers like adults, and listens to them. She understands teens better than anyone else I know. Hm. I guess you rock, Mom. Just share the spotlight once in a while. ;)

Then, there's my dad. He's no teddy bear of a person. He's a 6 ft. grizzly, complete with mismatched teeth and and a scruffy face. But all the ladies in my town absolutely ADORE him. The 21 y.o. at blockbuster calls him her "sweetheart," and the head librarian is wrapped around his pinkie. She'll get him whatever book he asks for. *rolls eyes* The women at his job call him the "coolest dispatcher they've ever met." >.< And yeah, he printed the convo out on paper just to show me, and prove it to me. I BELIEVE YOU NOW DAD! Gosh, now quit being so famous...

When I ask them in awe of how they got to be so cool, and I'm not, what do you think they said? "It's cooler to be cool, than to wish you were."

Ok, I take back everything I ever said that was nice about them.

Never mind, scratch that last sentence. They're my way into college... hehe, I love you, Moma! And thank you for the new iPod, Papasita! x) Much love to you both, and this thanksgiving, I am thankful for you.

Thinking it through...

Ok, so I know my last few posts haven't exactly been in a cheery mood... I feel like I owe an explination as to why I suddenly blew up on my blog like that.

Things have been hard for me in the internet world. A lot of my relationships are based on the internet, and therefore, sometimes they don't always work so smoothly. For instance, there has been one blogger that has been getting under my skin for several months, and I finally lost it.

Why did I lose it? Because I was tired of being competed with. I was/am tired of having to try and prove myself to people I don't even know. I'm through with people preaching at me, and treating me like some little kid. Normally, I'd blow a lot sooner than I did this time, but I guess God wanted to push my limits... see how long I'd hold out... just one of these little lessons He keeps teaching me. Argh, just why does He have to make it so hard?!

A friend of mine told me that I'm a "hard girl to understand sometimes." Part of that is my fault. I don't express myself very accurately, and people often misunderstand my words. So, I am finally going to share the awful truths, so people may begin to have an inkling about the real me.

I have an extremely short temper. You may have experienced it on the net with me, but it's probably worse in real life. But I'm improving. Second, forgiveness is a hard subject with me. I've been hurt - a lot. I'm far from insecure, but I've got this mindset now that I just can't trust people like I used to (especially guys that like me/I like. How much can I share with them, so it doesn't hurt if they pack up and leave?). I am very loyal my friends, but I always doubt that they'll be there when it really counts.

If you asked any one of my friends what my deepest darkest secret is, none of them would be able to tell you. If you asked them what my favorite food is, they can't tell you. If you asked them when my birthday is, 95% of them wouldn't be able to answer. That's cause I don't talk about myself, and they don't ask. That is why I am hard to understand sometimes. It's cause you know nothing about me! I am a better listener than a talker.

So I guess I just want to wrap this up quickly. If you don't "understand" me, or feel like you have to compete with me over something, of if you think I'm someone to be avoided, it's cause you haven't taken the time out of your life to get to know me, or you simply don't care. Do not take me for granted, do not use me, and do not treat me like a child, and we should get along fine. :)

The next post I PROMISE will be a happy one. :)

Some people just don't get it.

SHUT UP.
- By Emma. Written on 11-15-07.

I see your lips moving,
And I read the words you write.
But all I hear is critisism
Of the way I live my life.
No matter what I say,
No matter what I do,
You have to say something better.
And guess what! It's about YOU!
My ears are bleeding from the
Nonsense that you're speaking,
Stop right there,
Shut your mouth,
I want this to end,
I wanna tape your mouth!

Chorus:
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
I'm tired of all the screaming!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Why can't you see I'm bleeding?!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
You're causing me this pain!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
You're driving me insane!

I don't care how perfect
Your life seems to be!
I don't care how wonderful
You are compared to me!
Please stop talking!
You aren't winning
In the game of who's not sinning!
Stop right there,
Shut your mouth!
I want this to end!
I wanna tape your mouth!

Chorus

This is it,
It's too late now.
Don't get in my way,
I will tear you down.
My last stand
So you've heard,
Shut up now,
Or you'll regret every word!

Chorus x2
_
Maybe some people will get it now.
Cause I am right fed up.

What you see is what you get.

I freaking hate people. People hate me. People misunderstand me. People use me. Then people dump me.

I've been told I'm intimidating. I've found out that people are afraid of me, and avoid me. People play games with me. I've written things about myself, and then others have to top it with their own successes. People who call themselves my "friends" turn fickle just when I need them.

But you know what the most awful thing about that is? It is never going to change. I am me. What you see is what you get. I am not going to turn into a different person. I will probably always be intimidating. I will probably always be strongwilled. But people will always remain the same too. I guess I just have to "get a grip" as some have said, and simply concentrate on living my own life, and be the best I can be.

Or better yet, I'll become a nomad and travel the world for the rest of my life. That way, I won't be in the same place long enough to have friends. Problem solved.

Run Away

So, I've had a few comments lately about my poetry and songs, and I've discussed how poets don't always talk about themselves and their lives/feelings. I also had a request for more of my writings, so here you go. This is the reverse. This is all about my life and for the last 5 years. Hope you enjoy it, and can read my underlying message.

Run Away

11 years old, Dad’s in a wreck,
He could live or die, I didn’t know yet,
Grandma’s takin’ over, Mom’s never home,
I lost my faith, be a while ‘fore it came back.
The anger at God that He did this to my dad
Made me so mad, it’s just too much to be had,
There’s no one to turn to, no one for comfort,
Pastor left the church, and everyone was hurtin’.
I was still alone at night, lying awake in my bed,
Pictures of Dad in a coma circling around my head.
My heart was bleeding, there was nothing to stop it,
The scar’s still there, still hurts once in a while, yet
Dad finally came home but things weren’t getting better,
I still stayed covered in my blue hooded sweater,
I was too young for this, the pain of an adult,
It was never ending, never ceasing turmoil.

Chorus:
And I just wanna
Run away,
Make the memories
Fade away,
Give up on this
Ending play,
Turn around,
And run away.
I’m gonna run
Far away,
Make the memories
Fade away,
Why do I have to
Die this way?
I just wanna go
Run away, far away.

At age 14 I was looking for love,
Nothing much, just somethin’ to keep me up.
But I found the guy I thought was the one,
Gave him my heart, became blind to the cons.
He seemed so devoted, completely true to me,
At last I felt the two whole halves of me.
I was sure we could make it to the ends of the world,
Well, for 10 months at least, before he found another girl.
The scar opened up and the pain flooded in,
I blamed myself for all the hurt I was feelin’, then,
Mom turned for the worst, and I feared for her life,
Oh God, not Mom! Take me instead to your side!
She was diagnosed with cancer, had immediate surgery,
I was there in the waiting room, crying to my knees.
First Dad, now Mom, what (or who) was next in line?
Was life on earth really worth the pain I felt inside?

Chorus

My sweet 16 is rolling around and I can
Still feel the wounds bleed from time to time, but then
I know the pain is temporary, God’s love is forever,
It was His hand that kept me from ending my life, however,
I finally understand why I went through all I did,
God was using all the hurt and pain to bring me back to Him,
And I can finally see the sunshine, the warmth is pouring in,
I can take the hoodie off and feel Him touch my aching skin.
I’m not broken, I’m not a mistake.
I’m a beautiful creature that God himself made.
Whenever I’m hurtin, I remember what he gave,
His own son, He died, so that I would be saved.
Don’t have to run no more, I don’t have to hide,
I can let go of everything I keep inside,
I know why I’m here, I know why He did this,
I’ll stand for Him until His plan is finished.

Chorus x2

Luke... I AM your father.

So I am really run down right now. I had two big weekend parties in a row. The first one was my friend Ty's party, and that was like, the most fun I've had in a super long time. It was basically 9 teenage guys, me, and Ty's tomboy girlfriend. It was amazazing. We played Halo, Guitar Hero (I totally rule at that game. xD), and then we went outside and played football. Then, they started wrestling together, and I said that I could take down my brother Tyler (who is 6'1") in 10 seconds flat. So I did. And after I finished him off, I took down another guy, and accidentally busted his lip. Oopsies! Then, they ate all the pizza, and then I had to go home. :( It was absolutely fantastic. I don't know how I lived for so long without knowing these guys. And I like, fit in so well. It was wonderful. :)

The second one was Tyler's birthday party. He had Ty, Ronan, and Osprey come over to spend the night. Another amazing day. At night, we took all the lightsabers outside, and had a war. They all call me Darth Maul, so they gave me the double sided saber. It was sooooo cool - until my lightsaber went out. >.< Then I just attacked them all in the dark, and I don't think they'll ever forgive me. =/ Ah well.

So, now that I've worn myself out for two weekends in a row, I'm sick. AGAIN. argh argh argh argh argh argh.... Where's that monkey?! I want to shoot something. >.<

Here is Ty and Ronan, playing Guitar Hero at my house....


And here is Osprey, whom I could not get a clear picture of at the party, but this is him when he took me to the ballet. :)

Who Am I?

I am stuck in a world where I don't belong,
Escape is impossible; the road back is gone.
Where do I go? Where can I hide?
They will find me... Find me hidden deep inside
Myself, searching for the one hidden truth
The one hidden truth I managed to lose
And now the one I cannot seem to find...
The one question... who am I?
I see myself from the outside looking in,
So cold, so alone... undone, so sullen.
The outside mask hides what I do not want to see,
My own inerself, my true identity.
So long ago when I shut myself out
That the key is lost, forever, no doubt.
If there's a way, i'll break and enter,
But am I ready to find the truth when I get there?
So I'll keep looking until my time draws to a close,
From there I'll go on to whoever knows.
No one will see my unwanted form,
Nameless, broken, walking out the door.
But for the last time. I cry, knowing this is my time.
I have failed in this pitiful life of mine.
My task is over, I'll never know the truth.
But, so is life... I've done all I can do.
I'm dying now, leaving my questions behind,
For someone else to answer: Who am I?