I have a very large artery....

In my nose.

I was having a lot of trouble with nosebleeds (I've broken my nose 3 times, so I was kinda worried), so I went to the doctor today to have it checked out. First thing he did after shoving his stethoscope up the back of my shirt was stick a black tube up my right nostril so he could observe it, and I'm just praying to God that there wasn't a big old boogie in his way. I'm like, should I have blown first?

And Dr. Michael just says "Hmmmmm.... Hmmmm... Very interesting..."
And I'm thinking that he's probably found the new world up in there, but he just pulls out his black tube and announces that I have a very large artery in my nose. O.o He said the nosebleeds had nothing to do with breaking my nose, but this giant artery was a bit distressed, so we should just burn it shut. O_O I'm just thinking "You come near my nose with a match and I'm going to burn something of yours shut!"
He saw my hostile look an said reassuringly that it was a chemical and that it would just sting for a minute. Your eyes may water, he said, and shoved a stick covered with this chemical up my nose.

Oh. My. Lord. It did not sting. It didn't even BURN. It felt like my nose was going to EXPLODE. I'm trying my hardest not to hit this poor guy, and he's apologizing all over the place, and I've got my eyes squeezed shut so the tears wouldn't cascade down and ruin my makeup. He FINALLY removes the Stick Of Death and I thought I was going to fall over, cause it hurt so bad.

"Now, if that doesn't work, just come back and we'll consider a surgical option."
Yeah right, buddy. You'd better hope this works, cause if it doesn't, I swear...

I then had a nice interlude with the Lab needles. I'd rather have a needle suck away my blood any day, rather than face that Death Stick again.

My poor nose... after all we've been through... I hope it's gonna be okay now. Cause I can't take too much more damage to it, or else I'll end up looking like Michael Jackson.

Only in Texas

Only in Texas can you...

1. Dress up to go to Wal Mart
2. Eat roadkill for dinner
3. See a dead hog on the road and have to tell the whole neighborhood
4. Shoot guns in your backyard
5. Get chased by turkeys and live to tell the tale
6. Tell blonde jokes and have nobody get offended
7. Give the directions to your house: "Just turn by the GIANT WATERMELON. Yeh can't miss it!"
8. Know both the richest and poorest people in town
9. Travel 1 hour in any direction just to get to decent civilization
10. Insult and demonstrate a rude gesture to a Democrat and not get in trouble.