Thinking it through...

Ok, so I know my last few posts haven't exactly been in a cheery mood... I feel like I owe an explination as to why I suddenly blew up on my blog like that.

Things have been hard for me in the internet world. A lot of my relationships are based on the internet, and therefore, sometimes they don't always work so smoothly. For instance, there has been one blogger that has been getting under my skin for several months, and I finally lost it.

Why did I lose it? Because I was tired of being competed with. I was/am tired of having to try and prove myself to people I don't even know. I'm through with people preaching at me, and treating me like some little kid. Normally, I'd blow a lot sooner than I did this time, but I guess God wanted to push my limits... see how long I'd hold out... just one of these little lessons He keeps teaching me. Argh, just why does He have to make it so hard?!

A friend of mine told me that I'm a "hard girl to understand sometimes." Part of that is my fault. I don't express myself very accurately, and people often misunderstand my words. So, I am finally going to share the awful truths, so people may begin to have an inkling about the real me.

I have an extremely short temper. You may have experienced it on the net with me, but it's probably worse in real life. But I'm improving. Second, forgiveness is a hard subject with me. I've been hurt - a lot. I'm far from insecure, but I've got this mindset now that I just can't trust people like I used to (especially guys that like me/I like. How much can I share with them, so it doesn't hurt if they pack up and leave?). I am very loyal my friends, but I always doubt that they'll be there when it really counts.

If you asked any one of my friends what my deepest darkest secret is, none of them would be able to tell you. If you asked them what my favorite food is, they can't tell you. If you asked them when my birthday is, 95% of them wouldn't be able to answer. That's cause I don't talk about myself, and they don't ask. That is why I am hard to understand sometimes. It's cause you know nothing about me! I am a better listener than a talker.

So I guess I just want to wrap this up quickly. If you don't "understand" me, or feel like you have to compete with me over something, of if you think I'm someone to be avoided, it's cause you haven't taken the time out of your life to get to know me, or you simply don't care. Do not take me for granted, do not use me, and do not treat me like a child, and we should get along fine. :)

The next post I PROMISE will be a happy one. :)