Love, Pain, and Stars

The doors slam shut,
They let go,
I’m all alone.
I’m given back my heart,
Don’t know how I’ll make it now.
They said they’re in love,
But now they’re not
Stabbed my back,
Left me to rot.

How am I supposed to trust
That I’ll make it through this day?
How can I laugh now,
When they tear through what I say?
You’re a liar,
You’re a thief,
You’re a sinner,
Not who you used to be.
Is this really me?
Is this really me?!

But then I look at the stars.
I can see how you moved each one.
Are you really here, when you only feel so far?
You whisper yes.
You hold me tight.
Tell me to hold your hand.
Please take me through the night.
I can’t make it on my own,
I need for you to help me,
I don’t want to feel alone.
You don’t make me feel alone.

Nearly everyone I trust
Has hurt me in some way.
The ones I love the most,
Turned tail, and ran away.
If I’m supposed to give up,
Just like they did today,
Then why keep pressing on?
What’s to live for, anyway?

How can I love again?
How can I trust again?
How can I live again?
When will I hurt again?
Is this really me?
Is this really me?!

But then I look at the stars.
I can see how you moved each one.
Are you really here, when you only feel so far?
You whisper yes.
You hold me tight.
Tell me to hold your hand.
Please take me through the night.
I can’t make it on my own,
I need for you to help me,
I don’t want to feel alone.
You don’t make me feel alone.

I’ve been so busy counting
All the times I’ve known to bleed
When I’ve forgotten all the times
You have stood by me.
The blessings triple the pain,
You’ve given so much for my gain,
I’m so ungrateful, you’ve always seen.
So thank you, Jesus, for saving me.

Now I can look at the stars.
I can see how you moved each one.
Can you really move my life?
Can I see what all you’ve done?
You whisper yes.
You hold me tight.
I've grasped your hand.
You’ve always been there in the night.
I can’t make it on my own,
I need for you to help me,
I don’t want to feel alone.
But now I’ll never be alone.
Cause Jesus, I love you
I love you.
I love you.
And you smile.

Psychological Disaster

... There really is no disaster. I just wanted that title for the dramatic effect. x)

Nothing is new since last post. My job is still going well. There have been times when I thought my brain was going to fry from information overload, but it's all managed to compute. All my co-workers are really nice. The owner of the copy shop is married to the owner of Radio Shack just a couple doors away, so I got an invitation to hang out with the guys over there at any time business was slow at the copy shop, which is soooo cool. Last night I went down to RS after I closed shop, and chilled with the guys for a good 20 minutes before I went home. We all had some good laughs. xD

The friend situation is at a complete standstill. No progress, no decline. I've made a couple of new friendships, though, and renewed some old ones (Fishy... you're still a mess. =D). Which is totally cool. And it's helped. I'm sleeping a lot better at night, and I'm getting more work done in the day. Yesterday, I did two loads of my own laundry! I know. I was just as stunned.

I've been able to practice my music more too. My dad recently bought a banjo, so we've been playing around with that. So now we have a keyboard, a piano, two electric guitars, two acoustic guitars, a banjo, and a drum set. Not to mention my brother's armpit percussion, but that's better off leaving unmentioned. >.< Eventually, I'd enjoy getting a bass guitar, and playing around with that. I met up with some friends of mine that I haven't seen in ages, and they have a whole workshop full of instruments. The guy (who's almost 17 and freaking tall) is a percussion musician, but he and his 16 y.o. sister have all kinds of drums, guitars, basses, saxophones, etc. etc. They invited me over to their house sometime just to jam. =)
Plus, the lady who plays piano for my church invited me to lunch sometime soon. She wants to put together a piece to play during a service sometime, with her on the keys, and me on the strings. I basically panicked. haha. But we'll see. It'll probably be very fun, even if I screw up in the middle of it. I don't think my pastor will condemn me to hell if I miss the second verse of Amazing Grace. x) Er... at least, I hope not...

Feb. 14th is coming up!!! I don't know what I'm going to do, but I hope it's gonna be big. =D Oh, I just figured out EXACTLY what I'm going to do! The girls at dance and I have been talking about having a big Jane Austin Movie Marathon, and as far as I know, they're all single, so maybe they can all come to my house, and we'll watch romantic movies all night long. xD hahahahahah. perrrrrfect. A nice, single girls night, drooling over all the Mr. Darcys. Guys, beware! hahahahahah!

Well, it's after 9, and I must be getting ready for work! Today is Denim Day, so I get to wear my jeans instead of black or khaki pants, or my sister's skirts. x) Yayness! I want to wear my "I <3 NY" shirt, and my paint-splattered jeans, but I think that might be a little overboard... my boss might get a hernia...

Would you like lemon juice with your paper cut?

Wow, plenty has happened since my last 2007 entry! A lot of good, and a lot of bad. =/ Hmm, let's talk about the good first.

Four days after my 16th birthday, I submitted an application for a job, as everyone knows, but everyone doesn't know that I got the job. =D My boss didn't even say "you're hired." She just said "When can you start?" And that was it. So Dec. 26th, I had my first day at the copy shop. :) I learned a lot! I know how to do most of the ordinary copy jobs, like "I need 100 copies of this, this, this, this, and this, double sided, black and white, tri-folded, and all stapled in order I have them in now. I'll be back in 2 hours." Yup, I can do all that. Actually, the machine does it. It's amazing! I push a few buttons, press start, and it does everything! All I really have to do is keep the paper trays stocked, make sure it's doing exactly what I want it to, box up the finished product, create an invoice, and charge out the account. Most of the time I can multi task. Get one job started on one copier, get another started on the other, and print out some copies on the large format copier, help some customers, and finish the first job. It's fairly simple, and fun. Lots of paper cuts, but it's all good.

So I'll be doing that 4 days a week. My schedule will be roughly like this:
Monday: 6.00 am school - 6pm-7.30pm ballet
Tuesday: 6-9.30am school - 10am-3pm work - 5.30-7 ballet
Wednesday: 6-9.30am school - 10am-3pm work - 6-6.45pm ballet
Thursday: 6-9.30am school - 10am-6pm work
Friday: 6-9.30am school - 10am-6pm work
Saturday: 11am-12.30pm ballet, any leftover school Sat. afternoon

I'm soooo excited. :)

Christmas was good; I got a drum set, and a digi camera, plus a bunch of pink kitchen utensils for my kitchen when I move out. And a totally awesome Teddy Tunes bear that plays music from my iPod, and an "I <3 NY" t-shirt. So cool. :) New Years was a little harder... Cause I have really bad memories of New Years day that really cut deep. That was partially because this was the second New Years that I went through alone.
Yeah, some of the stuff that happened last New Years happened again. I kind of... well, lost another best friend. A choice was made, that was assumed to be for my own good, and wasn't taken very well by several different people. And, well, I was sort of left alone. Again. But I am doing much better now. I can only hope and pray for the same for my best friend, especially now that we aren't really talking.
A couple of days before New Years, I hung out with a very good girl friend of mine, and we went out to a theme park and met up with one of her guy friends from her church, and the three of us had a really good time. :) So that helped soften out New Years a bit for me.

Ok, I'm sick of talking about that stuff. I want to be happy. :) I got Guitar Hero II for Christmas, and I finished the game on Medium last night, and bought all the bonus songs. I'm so happy. :) I feel like I've really accomplished something, even though it's so stupid. x) Oh well.

Well, I'm going to run. I've got some things to do, so I'll be heading out. :) thanks for reading my really long post! and I'll try to write again soon. :)

(P.S. this one's for my dawg and homeboi, Chrizzle)

First Post of 2008

This one's for YOU, Fishy!