Heyo, just wanted to bring out a quick prayer request...
I'm a little confused right now. Well, I'm always pretty confused, but now I'm like, really confused. I've been through some hard stuff in the last couple months, and everything just kinda turned over like a pancake. I was almost to the top and ready to eat the whipped topping, but now I'm next to the griddle, frying my rear. And it's hurting.
I'm just... looking for something. I don't know what... Answers, maybe? A new life? New friends (since I'm suddenly very short on those that even live in the same state)?
My mom asked me if I was depressed... It kinda shocked me, and I haven't stopped thinking about it. I don't feel depressed, I just feel... negative. I can't see myself succeed in dance anymore, my family is in hiding from me, I'm always tired, I'm starting to realize how much unneccessary weight I am carrying (like, 1/3 my body weight. >.<), and I feel like I can't do anything right at home anymore.
One of the biggest and most noticable changes about me is my speech. I used to never shut up. Now I can't open my mouth and say how my day went. I just feel like I can't talk to anyone. Not even my parents. I have nothing to hide; I'm not cutting, or doing anything harmful to my body except my mind. I feel like I'm tormenting myself by holding everyone at arm's length, but I don't know how to stop... I don't think there's any way to get back... I don't know how to trust anyone with my thoughts and feelings anymore, and it's scaring me.
I know it's a lot of stuff to read, and I totally don't mind if you just scrolled down to the bottom of my post... but just pray for some immediate relief for me, and for my family, cause they're all getting grey hair from me.
2.29.2008
Bumfuzzled...
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4 comments:
You totally have a prayer from me, I did that once, school and dance and theater were starting to close in on me, it turned out I was trying to juggle too many things, so I suggest that maybe take a little time and just think about all the things your trying to do and then maybe you'll find that you are better off without one of them.:)
Well, excuse me. I AM actually nearly 6', as I have grown the last three months, according to my "yardstick". I don't know the last time Tyler was measured, but I think he's taller than that. So get over it, and if you can't say something nice,
DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!
Thank you.
I am praying for you, whether you want me to or not.
Sincerely,
Osprey
Your feelings, hard as they are, are more normal than you probably think. BJ is going through a lot of the same stuff, and I remember thinking some of those same thoughts when I was your age (which is amazing that I can remember back that far! Ha ha!). Know that Auntie Seester loves you and is praying for you. I'll send BJ's e-mail to your mom's e-mail and if you two want to "talk/write" to each other, maybe you could "pray for one another that ye may be healed." Hugs to you!
I understand about you being tired...
I mean, I am 40 and things like being grounded from xbox and being signed up for ballet still depress me...
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